Emotional Regulation

ADHD is always talked about like it’s just about school. Missing assignments. Bad time management. Messy backpacks. Being late. All of that is true, but it’s also not the whole story. ADHD doesn’t just affect how you work. It affects how you feel. And pretending otherwise honestly makes everything worse.

There’s this idea that your life can be chaotic, but your head can be neat and organized. Like, sure, maybe your room is a mess, maybe your grades are slipping, maybe you forget things constantly, but emotionally? You’re good. Calm. Stable. Put together. That just doesn’t make sense. If everything around you feels out of control, your brain is not magically immune to that.

For a long time, I liked to think I was emotionally stable. I don’t cry a lot. I don’t get super angry. I’m not dramatic. So, in my head, that meant I was “fine.” But every other week, when I have my meetings with Kiki, somehow, we always end up talking about emotions. Not grades. Not schedules. Feelings.

And every time, I’m surprised.

I’ll say things like, “I don’t really feel that much,” or “I’m chill most of the time.” And then five minutes later I’m explaining how overwhelmed I feel, how tired I am mentally, or how I randomly feel super low for no clear reason. It’s kind of ironic, I’ll say I’m fine, while actively listing reasons I’m not.

That’s where ADHD emotion regulation comes in.

People don’t talk enough about how ADHD affects emotions. ADHD brains don’t regulate emotions the same way neurotypical brains do. Research shows that people with ADHD often feel emotions more intensely, even if they don’t always show them outwardly. It’s not that we’re “too sensitive”, it’s that our brains have a harder time filtering and slowing emotional responses. So, things hit harder, linger longer, and sometimes come out sideways.

If I could make a word, it would be overexhaustwhelmedstressed. For me, that looks like feeling overwhelmed without being able to explain why. Or feeling calm on the outside while my brain is running nonstop. Or being fine one second and then suddenly feeling exhausted, irritated, or emotional the next. It’s not random, it just feels that way.

Now add being a woman into the mix.

Hormones matter. A lot. Studies have shown that ADHD symptoms, including emotional regulation, often get worse during certain parts of the menstrual cycle, especially the luteal phase (the week or so before your period). Estrogen helps support dopamine, which ADHD brains already struggle with. When estrogen drops, dopamine drops too. That can mean worse focus, lower motivation, and way stronger emotions.

So, if you ever feel like your ADHD is suddenly “worse for no reason,” there’s probably a reason. It’s not you being lazy or dramatic. It’s chemistry.

Looking back, so many moments where I thought I was just being moody or off make more sense now. The emotional dips, the irritability, the feeling of being overwhelmed by things that normally wouldn’t bother me, it wasn’t random. It was ADHD plus hormones, doing what they do best: teaming up against me.

What’s weird is that even knowing all of this, I still default to thinking I’m fine. I still underestimate my emotions because they don’t look the way people expect. I’m not crying all the time. I’m not yelling. But emotional struggle doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks quiet. Sometimes it looks like being numb. Sometimes it looks like being “chill” while holding everything together way too tightly.

That’s why those conversations with Mimi matter so much. They force me to actually check in with myself instead of brushing things off. They remind me that emotional health isn’t just about not falling apart, it’s about understanding what’s happening in your head and body and not pretending you’re unaffected.

ADHD isn’t just an academic disorder. It’s not just planners and deadlines and reminders. It affects how you experience the world, how you process stress, and how you feel about yourself. And for women especially, it’s layered with hormones that make everything more intense and more confusing.

I’m still learning how to sit with that. I’m still learning that being “emotionally stable” doesn’t mean being emotionless. Some things that I recommend, are journaling, meditating, and positive self-reminders. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for reading- Love Rebecca.